It Could Have Been A Lot Worse
by SageK
Summary: Entry 17 in my LJ Holiday Drabble Challenge


He should have known this was going to end badly. The only consolation was that no one was bleeding. Yet…Of course, the doors had only opened seven minutes ago.

Sophie had sprung this plan on the team while they were lying around in a complacent haze of too much turkey, stuffing, potatoes and other goodies that Eliot had prepared. Nate was fairly sure he'd seen Hardison eat an entire pan of gooey butter pumpkin cake with sweet cream cheese frosting. The thought alone made Nate's teeth ache.

The television had been set to a random football game. Eliot and Alec seemed to be attempting to become one with opposite ends of the sofa, while Parker was stretched out along the top of it, seemingly half asleep. It was a testament to the quality of the food that Eliot was drowsy enough not to try and take her hand off when she occasionally patted his hair. Nate was in his armchair, half watching the game but pondering actually taking a nap. He was pretty sure the others were too stuffed to cause any…well, to cause too much trouble.

This was when Sophie appeared, brandishing a bunch of sale flyers and computer printouts. Apparently, she'd had Hardison doing internet searches to find the best sales, not telling him that he would have to take part in the actual shopping.

Nate had to admit that Sophie had worked out a pretty tight plan of attack and had appropriately enticing flyers for each of the younger members of the team. Jewelry boutiques for Parker, World premiere video games for Alec and some high end cookware store for Eliot. Nate, she just focused _that _look on and he caved.

So they had arrived at the CambridgeSide Galleria at 2 am, in order to avoid lines, Sophie claimed. Alec, wrapped in a huge down jacket, sat on the sidewalk and took a nap. Eliot was refusing to take his face out of the enormous thermos of gourmet coffee he'd brought along, even when Parker climbed onto him like a baby Koala and hung on. Sophie was revising her plan of attack, marking off the shoe sales as prime targets. Nate simply traded beleaguered looks with other men lining up. No one with a Y chromosome looked happy to be standing outside in the cold, waiting to shop.

When the frankly terrified Galleria security personnel unlocked the doors to allow entry to the masses, the only thing allowing them to remain together was the carefully cultivated personal space bubble Eliot had established by radiating hostility at anyone who came to close. Normally, this would grant them at least a ten foot buffer zone, but today it just meant people weren't actively shoving them.

Sophie led the charge to the nearest shoe store, one hand wrapped around Eliot's arm, intent on using the man to either distract or terrorize her opponents in bargain hunting. Parker was still on Eliot's back, sleeping with her face hidden in his hair. Hardison managed to escape to the Cinnabon next door and Nate made the young man promise him a bun and a coffee on his return.

Three hours later, the crowds were thicker, Hardison hadn't returned, Sophie was getting more and more relentless and Eliot had begun growling at people. Nate decided it was best to retreat and live to fight another day and found a spot on a bench to sit and try to regroup his shattered nerves. There were lots of other men doing the same thing, huddled on benches, looking mildly traumatized. If ever he doubted women were the stronger of the species, this day would have set him straight.

When he was feeling a bit steadier, he got up to take a walk. Sophie was in some clothing boutique, a truly terrifying gleam in her eye as she engages another woman in a staring match over what looked like a cashmere scarf. Eliot and Parker had made a strategic escape at some point and Nate feared he'd be hearing security alarms going off at any moment.

Then he shook his head with a smile. Like a mall security system stood any chance against any of his team. The fumes from the processed meat on a stick vendor he had ducked behind, in order to avoid being conscripted into carrier duty for Sophie, must have been going to his brain.

In his wandering, he came across Parker, on her own, staking claim to a table on the food court. She had an enormous box of fudge and seemed to be applying herself to eating every bit of it. When Nate asked her about it, she had stared at him and said, "It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch Fudge!", like that explained her urge to overload her body with enough sugar to choke a horse.

Hardison was holed up in an electronics store, fighting a group of kids, some actual children, others just overgrown children like himself, over a chance to play some new videogame system. Nate winced as he was pretty sure he saw the Hacker use one of the moves Eliot had taught him on a chubby gamer with a comb over, but since other people were being more violent, he let it slide.

Amongst the crowd of women gathered in front of the knife demonstration at William Sonoma, Eliot both stuck out like a sore thumb and seemed to be quite at ease. A little old lady had her arm hooked through his and the hitter was very relaxed, listening as the woman commented on something the woman doing the demo did and laughing in response. The cookware store was far less crowded than the surrounding clothing or tech stores, so the hitter had dropped his air of menace in favor of a, for him, mellow vibe.

Shaking his head, Nate went in search of another cup of coffee.

Hours later, Nate was waiting at a pre-arranged spot for the others. Sophie was first to appear from the masses, a pair of shopping bags dangling from her arm and a bright smile on her face. For a moment, Nate was shocked by the lack of purchases, then he saw Eliot and Hardison trailing in her wake, each heavily laden with bags from stores neither of them would have entered of their own will. Even Parker, bringing up the rear and looking a little ill, had a few bags.

"Productive day?" he questioned Sophie, who smiled broadly.

"Very," she replied airily. "But I do still need to make a brief trip to New York before the holidays."

Nate couldn't imagine what else she could possibly need to buy, but simply nodded and looked at the others. "How bout you three?" Hardison nodded smugly. "I kicked every ass in that store," he claimed, then, off their looks, justified, "In the game! No need to be so literal people."

Eliot simply gave a pleased sounding rumble and shifted an arm to reveal a bag from with the Wolfgang Puck logo on it amidst all of Sophie's.

"I don't feel well," Parker commented, pressing a hand miserably to her stomach.

Not having the heart to tell her she shouldn't have attempted to eat her body weight in fudge, so he stayed silent. Eliot eyed the young woman and said, "I'll make you some ginger mint tea. It'll help."

As they made their way to the cars (Sophie had insisted one would not be sufficient for all of them and their purchases), Nate said, "That wasn't as bad as I though it would be. And, hey, no one even stole anything."

The silence that met that comment was telling and Sophie patted his arm a little condescendingly. "Of course not, Nate."

_Oh, well. It could have been a lot worse._


End file.
